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social anxiety or lack of social skills?

i was reading these online and i thought most of them described me perfectly. i'd like to see a psychologist. i'm wondering if its possible to fix these kinds of things without medicine? i think so.. i'd like to learn how to fix it on my own though, so any advice is appreciated. 1.)I’m sure that many people think of me as standoffish. I don’t smile at others since I don’t know how. I don’t greet people warmly because I don’t know how. Could they possibly know what I’m going through? I doubt it. I am simply treated the same way that I treat others – aloof, uncaring and business-like. No smile or hint of friendship or camaraderie, just a cold, unfeeling, “how’s it going?” 2.)People consider me quiet and “nice” but that’s because I have to fall back on politeness and introversion because I lack the verbal gymnastics to stand toe to toe in social interactions. When people are talking to me I feel I am swimming in an invisible impenetrable fog. And I am reasonably attractive physically. But these factors put greater pressure on me professionally and socially because people expect me to be more charismatic than I am capable. and i write more expressively than i speak. i go to college. i can handle being around other people. i smile sometimes but only when somebody smiles at me

Public Comments

1. Sounds like you lack practice at social skills. You seem to know what you do, what is expected, and what the difference is between the two. I think you need to work, in low threat situations, on your social skills.
2. Hard to say. You could have one variant of Autism, which would make relating with others difficult. You don't know how to smile?Surely you have seen others doing it. If you have an aversion to smiling, that indicates anxiet that is so intese that you don't want to reveal to others even postivive feeling, which is awfully frozen if you ask me. Downright paranoid, evern. People will not bark at you if you smile at them. On the other hand someone who never smiles is percieved as being cold and aloof, and such people are difficult to befriend. You don't need verbal gymnastic to interact with people. As I've advised dozens of others, learn how to make small talk. The following subjects are perfectly safe for small talk: the weather, sports, celebrities, TV shows, movies, pets, current headlines, and so on. When you engage in small talk, as shallow as it may seem, it validates the presence of the other person by giving them a chance to say something which they hope you will listen to. If you do, then you can't be all bad. If you still find you can't make small talk, then you may need to find a job or career than enables you to be alone most of the time.
3. Although social anxiety disorder generally requires help from a medical expert or qualified psychotherapist, you can try some self-help techniques to handle situations likely to trigger social anxiety disorder symptoms. First, assess your fears to identify what situations cause the most anxiety. Apply these techniques to those situations. Practicing these techniques regularly can help you manage or reduce your anxiety. You may need to begin with small steps in situations that aren’t overwhelming. These techniques include: Eating with a close relative, friend or acquaintance in a public setting. Making eye contact and returning greetings from others, or being the first to say hello. Preparing for conversation. For instance, read the newspaper to identify an interesting story you can talk about. Giving someone a compliment. Focusing on personal qualities you like about yourself. Showing an interest in others. Ask about their homes, children, grandchildren, hobbies or travels, for instance. Asking a retail clerk to help you find an item. Getting directions from a stranger. In addition, be sure to keep your medical or therapy appointments, take medications as directed, and talk to your doctor about any changes in your condition. Coping and support Coping with social anxiety disorder can be challenging. Having social anxiety disorder can make it difficult for you to go to work or school, to interact with other people, or even to visit the doctor. But maintaining connections and building relationships are key ways to help cope with any mental disorder. Over time, treatment can help you feel more comfortable, relaxed and confident in the presence of others. In the meantime, don’t use alcohol or illicit drugs to try to get through an event or situation that makes you anxious. Some positive coping methods include: Banishing negative thoughts about yourself Practicing relaxation exercises Adopting stress management techniques Reaching out to people you do feel comfortable around Joining a support group Engaging in pleasurable activities, such as exercise or hobbies, when you feel anxious Getting enough sleep Eating a well-balanced diet Setting realistic goals As difficult or painful as it may seem initially, don’t avoid situations that trigger your symptoms. By regularly facing these kinds of situations, you’ll continue to build and reinforce your coping skills. Over time, doing this can help control your symptoms and prevent a relapse of your condition. Remind yourself that you can get through anxious moments, that your anxiety is short-lived, and that the negative consequences you worry about so much rarely come to pass.